I heard this somewhere a long time ago and have owned it for myself ever since.  I tell students and clients, “You are creating your life, whether you are doing it consciously or unconsciously.  And now that you know that, which way would you prefer to do it?”
Have you ever stopped to think about how what you are thinking and what you are doing to create your reality?  Do you hear yourself sounding just like your mom or dad did when they argued or yelled at you as a child?
 I work with people every day who are trying to re-adjust the way they think and act.  It’s not easy.  Sometimes it’s hard to catch yourself in the moment, let alone before you allow those ugly thoughts to surface, but as the light bulb goes off somewhere in that process of talking trash about yourself or someone else, that is a moment to push the pause button.
Once paused, examine what you were just thinking or saying and ask yourself:  “Are these thoughts or words helping me become more of who I want to be or moving me away from my highest potential? “
It is in that paused moment that you have power.  You don’t have to become your mom, your dad or someone who was a role model in the past.  They were doing the best they could under the circumstances and it just so happens that you have outgrown their model of behavior.  You are looking for ways to be the conscious creator of how you think and act.
Once you determine that the thoughts and actions are not working for your highest potential then you have several choices.  Awareness is the key to each of these.
·        Observe yourself in action as though you were a casual outside observer.
o   Once your behavior is observed from this vantage point, you will just allow it to fall away
o   You will gain understanding on how your thoughts and actions can undermine the results you have been shooting for
·        Allow yourself to transform the energy of the situation which has held you captive
o   Create a bubble, just like you do when you blow a bubble from a bubble wand
o   Allow the bubble to magnetically collect up all the judgmental thoughts and pop it
o   Meditate on the behavior if you realize it after the fact and use the tools above to assist
·        Forgive yourself for having those thoughts
o   You may have held some thoughts from infancy, hearing the adults around you expound them over and over
o   It isn’t easy to undo years and sometimes lifetimes of such programmed thoughts
o   You may have revealed a shadow side that sabotages you and if you forgive that part of you, it frees the thoughts up and allows you to let go
o   Someone else may have been gracious enough to have revealed an old programmed response within you that you can forgive and release
It takes practice, but with some perseverance, you will find that you steadily make progress toward becoming more and more of who you’ve wanted to be all along.  And you don’t have to do it alone. Meditation can help.  
If you find that you won’t look at how you are thinking and acting, someone can help you see the behavior.  Sometimes you are lucky to have friends that can be honest with you and other times you have to hire someone to hold you accountable.
Be kind to yourself and find that person if you can’t make progress on your own.